Well hello guys!
I am back again thanks to the move hub team and I’m happy to share with you my experience of 2018 and the lessons I’ve learnt that I’ll be taking into the new year with me. This year was probably the hardest year of my life, I was hopeful for 2018 the whole of December 2017 lol I was telling myself that it’s my year, it’s my time and as soon as January came it was like all hell broke loose. I was extremely sick and ended up in hospital with a bad sickle cell crisis and then an infection in the bruises on my leg muscle from all the injections – I could hardly walk or bend my leg. Few months later a close cousin of mine died suddenly at the age of 21, I was finding marriage and it’s hurdles really difficult, finances weren’t great either and to conclude really, I just lost faith lol. That’s the best way I can describe it, I lost faith in a lot of things; God, myself, people around me. I was at a point where I didn’t know if things were going to turn around for me but thanks be to God they actually did! And at the most random quickest time too! Even though I was going through what I was going through, God wasn’t going to just allow me to sit and wallow in my self pity, no sir. I was thrown lesson after lesson and whilst I was in what felt like emotional turmoil, chileeee I had to take those lessons because every single thing in this life can give you wisdom.
Lesson 1: I learnt not to short change myself. I learnt that it’s all about the inside and I should stop selling myself short when I look at the outside appearance of others on social media and comparing my life to theirs. I’m a big deal! I’m Beautiful, I’m smart and yes I can happily and openly say I don’t have it all together. But Lord have mercy, I am trying!You see we focus too much on the outside when we should be working on the inside of us. Lord knows it’s difficult but truth be told, that’s what God cares about more. Work on your character more than your appearance, work on your presence in people’s lives more than your presence online, love yourself enough to know that you are made for greatness and you are running your own race and that is ok! Not everyone can be running the same race, everyone is at different places in life.
Lesson 2: start with fear, end with fear. Start with God end with God.
Boyyyy did I realise this year that if God is not in it, I don’t want it! No sir, no ma’am! I don’t want it! Because the truth of the matter is this: without God I am nothing!! I can’t even begin to tell you that it’s the lord God above that I have been drawing my strength from to get through this year. So many people would tell me that I was strong, I’ve been through so much and whilst that is true I didn’t feel strong, I didn’t even feel like I could cope with my life half the time. But there was something inside of me, something that just allowed me to keep going, even when I spoke to God as asked him to just take me peacefully in my sleep. God let me know that my time on this earth is not up. There’s stuff to do! People to love! Lives to change!
Lesson 3: BE INTENTIONAL!
This year I learnt that in my life, every single thing is a choice. My happiness, how I react to things, what I do, who I spend time with. Gone are the days where things are done aimlessly. Aimless friendships that aren’t really going anywhere, aimless connections, aimless jobs, aimless everything. This year I really was intentional with who I spent time with and I got more comfortable with saying no and it really did serve me well. God has a plan for everyone’s life and I really do believe that life is meant to be lived well. I had to really speak to myself and strongly tell myself that I wasn’t created to have a life where I was miserable everyday and seen as I couldn’t change others, I had to look within; look at how I react to things, look at how I allow people to treat me, look at what I can change within my mindset and then actively choose to try and make those changes turn into my lifestyle.
I really feel like this was the worst year of my life. Hands down. I can openly say I had to do a self referral and see a therapist for the things I was going through and that taught me my final lesson, people sometimes say “it’s ok to not be ok” and yes that’s true but what’s not ok is when you are not ok for long periods of time and you mentally feel like you can’t see a way out. Everyone always says “mental health is no joke” and I used to say it too without really knowing what it’s actually like and I can honestly say, it really isn’t a joke. You can look to others for help, you can also look to God for help but please do not be afraid to seek professional help!
My prayer for anyone that’s had a really tough 2018 just like I did is that all the tears we have sown this year, may we reap joy, happiness, progression and comfort in the year 2019!